In this world, you are the human who I most trust. I likely fell into the abyss now, in the heart have filled the lamentation, the pain, the anxiety and the fear, I pleaded you to rescue me, otherwise, I was not suffer from neurosis in despair, moves toward the death! In my six year old of that year, daddy in the outside areas work, mother goes to work every day, in the family is always left over me, I frequently and lives in a nearby boy and a girl plays together, they are bigger than me several years old, I regard them elder brother the elder sister to look. One day, they lead me to play to the boy family, I saw with one’s own eyes them to have the relations, afterward the girl said to me, that was very amusing, tried, was saying took off my clothes. I at that time also thought curiously, therefore has then obeyed, also has had the relations with that boy. Afterward such matter has occurred several times, naive I only am regard as it one kind of game. Afterward, the boy moved, but I actually have formed the masturbation abuse in unconscious. Has grown up gradually until me, I only then realized the commit inexcusable crime, in my youth from the very beginning then Mongolia a gloomy color.
My 18 years old, I already changed the masturbation abuse this year. But I always thought that a oneself elephant odd person, occasionally will feel the genitals will be a little uncomfortable, moreover one year ago will start me then to have menorrhalgia’s problem, I also discovered that my pili will be longer much the thickness. I am afraid very much, hates itself very much, my life has half is at least ruins. My innermost feelings are very painful are very painful, but cannot pour out to others, even parents and good friend. Sometimes I display, sometimes also am very much open and bright uncommunicative, others forever are also not fully correct in assumptions my heart. Actually I good hoped that obtains others’ love with the concern, but looks like I such bad girl to match has loves?
I was always thinking when past fearful matter, quiet at dead of night, I always in the sob, cried tired only then heavy to go off. I hoped that like this falls asleep, forever do not wake. I will sometimes make some fearful pertinency aspect the dream, these dreams I will remember such clearly, they will always be puzzling me. The world became in my eye more and more dark, I wanted to result in others am very bad, will suspect some people to harm me frequently. I really lives well tired good tired, perhaps I arrive at this world originally am a mistake, perhaps dies for me is one kind of extrication.
I am originally want to use the study, reckless studies assiduously earnestly gets rid of these pain, my must enroll the college entrance examination next year. But the destiny always likes making fun of me, recently I listened to the human saying that before college entrance examination’s physical examination was very strict, must inspect including the reproductive organ. I good am afraid, if at the appointed time, I by the discovery am a bad girl, that I have the outstanding result also am in vain however, that world again also greatly altruism took shelter the place.
Professor Zhong, you were can help me only the person, told me, how me should manage? How to manage? Looks like I such person to be able to go to college? I really has had no way out? I plead you, rescues me.
Wishes you to be happy
Bad girl
Good girl:
A girl, do not be called surely oneself “the bad girl”. Much less. Looked repeatedly your incoming letter, you not only felt the pain to the past, dared the past events which faced directly this to find it unbearable to recall, poured out heartily it. Therefore I said that you are a good girl, a brave girl!
Childhood natural experience creates the wound, is mainly in a mind, but in the non-physiology, goes out the shadow, in fact smooths the mental scar, the self-extrication, molds one newly. From yours special details analysis, will possibly have three aspects to aggravate you to own restless and to the future the fear. The first aspect is you also has the masturbation phenomenon in the child experience foundation, you worried that these two aspect situation adding together urges in your physiology only to transform to the bad aspect. May tell you are explicitly, although masturbation non-good behavior, but is not the root of all evil. In fact, many unmarried male and female young people have the masturbation phenomenon. Some natural psychology expert also like this believed that the moderate masturbation is helpful to the unmarried young people’s body and mind growth, how the key is “moderate” two characters grasps. In cannot very good control oneself behavior time, should better not want the masturbation to well. You already completely changed the masturbation custom, that also did not have anything to be possible to worry specially. The second aspect is you are thick to own sexual character growth like pili, menorrhalgia, phenomena and so on dream did not understand, turned over to it aggravated the sense of fear in the child experience and the masturbation. By your 18 year old of age, presents the such phenomenon complete nothing to wonder. Menstruation of this age stage female, possibly by does not have the ovulation menstruation to the ovulation menstruation transformation. Once the ovary presents the ovulation, will cause the painful menstruation phenomenon, the pili also possibly compares before was thick. Obviously, these have nothing to do with the beforehand natural experience and the masturbation, but is the feminine physical growth necessity. The third aspect, is your hearsay, the physical examination filled anxiously before the college entrance examination makes itself to lose the confidence to the future. Actually, to unmarried female, when college entrance examination physical examination, in does not inspect the reproductive organ. Moreover, doctor will not be able according to female reproductive organs’ shape to distinguish that a young girl will be the good girl or the bad girl. Quality of the human, its standard stresses on the mind, but is not stresses on body’s some part, you said right?
Had understood the above three aspects, I thought that you should also go out very quickly shadow? The good girl, lives bravely, specially bravely greets the college entrance examination which is going to arrive. Professor Zhong is waiting for your good news!
